Blindsided by the words "I want a divorce"
Updated: Feb 20
Your marriage is coming to an end.
You may feel like it is the end of your identity, as you know it. Have you been a stay-at-home wife and mother for the last 20 plus years? Maybe you have been working outside the home and raising a family; doing it all. Slowly it sinks in; this is a redefinition of your status. You're going from being married to divorced. Then possibly from working in the home to working outside the home.
Many are blindsided by their spouse asking for a divorce. Infidelity is what I was blindsided with, which ultimately led to divorce.
This is not something we plan for when we walk down the aisle. You fell in love, married, maybe had 2-3 kids, life got busy, challenging at times but you enjoyed the good times when they blessed your days. Now this. Divorce. You are likely devastated, I know I was. My gosh you thought you were planning the third chapter together. Retirement with your spouse. Isn't that what you have been planning to do , TOGETHER?
The plans have changed and you must stop and switch gears. It's not easy. Pain, anger, depression and grief are are swirling around you. You are in the middle of this tornado of emotions. I recall those feelings as I type.
First be aware, the person you are divorcing is not the same person you married.
Many wrongly assume that the person who "took care" of them during the marriage will give the same love and care to them through the Divorce. Often people ( women) have to prove the financial contributions they made to the household despite not working(outside the home), such as taking care of the finances and caring for their home and children so that their spouse was free to earn a living. We wish we had prepared ourselves emotionally and legally for this this. But why would you have? You have been married, possibly more than half your life, to this person you thought you knew.
My divorce madness began in 2014 and lasted a couple of years and 1000's of $$$ later. Fast forward to 2020, the infamous year of Covid19, when I decided to take online classes and became a Certified Health and Life coach. I began writing my book (Shattered Dreams & New Beginnings) and started my business, Live Life Now LLC. I feel I was very productive. Then in 2021, I discovered Divorce Coaching.
Wait , WHAT; divorce coaching? Is that real? When did this profession get created? Where were divorce coaches 8-10 years ago? All these questions went through my head and still do at times.
That is why I added Divorce Coaching to my coaching business.
So if you are facing divorce, hire a divorce attorney, join a support group, and hire divorce coach. I know where you can find one!
DO IT! Hire one. I sure would have. I know in my heart that I would have significantly benefited from having one. But, of course, my kids would have to. I did have a counselor but man if I would have had a divorce coach too! Yes Please.
Your heart most likely has been ripped out. You are trying to keep your emotions in check and live life as normally as possible while figuring out what's next. (BIG breath here ) You have to hire an attorney. You should also be hiring an accountant and a financial advisor, but can your brain even grasp that? There is a list of things that need to be done, considered, and addressed. When you are overwhelmed and dealing with sadness, depression, and loneliness, shall I go on? I think not.
A counselor can help you deal with the roller coaster of emotions. Then, a divorce coach ( me :-) ) will guide you to get all the other "stuff" done. Of course, you must do this all one step at a time, one day at a time, one list, one professional at a time. But it all needs to get done promptly...S
Then you can BE DONE and start LIVING your new independent life
Spread your wings and fly