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Now You're Going Solo

Updated: Feb 20, 2023

No, you're not learning to fly; well, maybe you are.

How many years have you been married, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five years, maybe more?

Now you are divorcing your husband. The man you have been with walked beside, supported, and loved for years.

The fear, the pain, the loneliness, the grief is genuine.

You have spent most of your life as part of a couple. Going to the movies, out to dinner with your spouse/partner, cocktail parties, dinner with couples at your favorite local restaurant, or a couples dinner at your friend's house, game night with the neighbors.

You have always been one-half that couple.

Not anymore, and it sucks!

BUT it doesn't have to. What needs to change, first your view, attitude opinion may need to change. Societies view needs also to change.

I decided to write about this topic after a conversation with a friend about precisely this subject of going out that first time, alone or a least being on your own.

I recall the first time a girlfriend invited me to a function with another girlfriend; I was excited to be going out and feeling "normal" again, but it was also the first time in over 20years that I would be single. That would be my status when I introduced myself. I had only separated from my husband for a couple of months.

I felt awkward, but the most crucial part was that I went. So I put my uneasiness aside and went. I enjoyed the evening, I wrote about that night in my book, Shattered Dreams & New Beginnings, as it was a moment in my healing that stood out.

I find this topic very important because many of us who are used to being a part of a couple find it uncomfortable to go out alone. That is understandable; trust me, I get it. But you do have to step out of your box at some point.

If friends go out as couples and include you, GO. If they invite you to a party and there are primarily couples, who cares, GO. But here is the thing, what about the friends you used to go out with a couple who never invited you anymore. Not that they ask your ex-spouse either, they don't ask a single person to join them. So I feel this action is just as bad.

Society has conditioned us that people go out as a group of singles or couples.

I want to think that if you have a friend or family member who has recently become single, you will invite them out. Of course, the choice needs to be theirs but at least give them the option.

It's sad to think that an alone person who needs encouragement to socialize would be overlooked by friends simply because they don't have a partner to join them.

Now before anyone reading this gets annoyed, I want to be precise. A choice to be single is one thing. It's a choice. I'm referring to those of us who got thrown into being "suddenly single." That person who was part of a couple and was invited to everything and now is not. INVITE THEM. Let them make the decision. It does have to move along at its own pace. But to that person who is "suddenly single," GO OUT. Don't hide from the world. That first time out will feel awkward, but walk with your head held high, owning your life, happiness, and your world.

As a woman I feel it is harder to just go out to dinner alone, or a movie, etc It shouldn't, be but I know for my generation it is

( I'm in my mid 50's) Becoming single again, later in life definitely taught me to not sit back and wait for things to happen, I learned to make things happen. I began to invite people out with me , I'm not concerned about walking into a restaurant or bar alone even if I was meeting someone, that used to intimidate me. I can walk into a restaurant, sit alone to eat and not feel uncomfortable at all.

Going solo is hard at first but after that fist step, it gets easier. Walk then run but..


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