Self-Care During Divorce Is Not Selfish — It’s Strategic

By Nanette Murphy, Certified Divorce & Life Reinvention Coach/Second Act Divorce Coaching

When most people hear “self-care,” they picture bubble baths, spa days, or a weekend getaway.

Those things can be nice — but during divorce, they are not what I mean by self-care.

Real self-care in divorce is not indulgence.
It is protection.
It is a regulation.
It is strategy.

When I was going through my own grey divorce, I believed that if I just powered through — worked harder, stayed busy, and pushed my emotions aside — I would get through faster and with less pain.

I was wrong.

I became exhausted, reactive, and overwhelmed. I made decisions from depletion rather than clarity. I snapped at people I loved. I second-guessed myself constantly.

What I didn’t understand then — and what I teach now — is this:

A depleted woman makes costly decisions.
A supported woman makes clearer ones.

Why Self-Care Matters More in Divorce Than Ever

Divorce places your nervous system under sustained stress.

You are dealing with:

• Legal uncertainty

• Financial fear

• Emotional grief

• Identity shifts

• Possibly co-parenting challenges

• And the daily demands of life still continuing

Without intentional care, your body and brain stay in fight-or-flight.

When that happens, you are more likely to:

• React impulsively

• Avoid difficult conversations

• Agree to things just to “be done”

• Take on too much

• Burn out emotionally and physically

None of that serves your future.

What “Strategic Self-Care” Actually Looks Like

Strategic self-care during divorce is about creating stability in the midst of upheaval.

It includes things like:

1. Nervous System Care

• Regular sleep

• Gentle movement

• Breathing practices

• Time away from conflict

2. Boundaries

• Limiting contact with people who escalate your stress

• Being selective about who you share your story with

• Protecting your time and energy

3. Emotional Processing (not avoidance)

• Journaling

• Coaching or therapy

• Reflecting before reacting

4. Practical Support

• Asking for help with logistics

• Leaning on trusted friends

• Building a divorce-informed support team

Self-care is not about escaping the process — it is about staying grounded within it.

The Hidden Cost of Ignoring Self-Care

When women neglect their well-being during divorce, I often see patterns like:

• Chronic exhaustion

• Heightened anxiety

• Decision fatigue

• Increased conflict

• Regret over rushed agreements

• Delayed healing after divorce

You cannot make clear decisions about your future if your body and mind are running on empty.

How a Divorce Coach Supports Your Self-Care

A divorce coach helps you:

• Recognize when you are overwhelmed

• Slow down before making big decisions

• Identify where you need boundaries

• Create emotional and practical stability

• Stay aligned with your values rather than your fears

Coaching is not just about strategy — it is about sustaining you through the process.

Gentle Reminder

Taking care of yourself during divorce is not selfish.

It is one of the most responsible things you can do — for yourself, your children, and your future.

Practical Takeaways

If you are in the middle of a divorce right now:

• Ask yourself daily: “What do I need today to stay grounded?”

• Build one non-negotiable self-care habit (sleep, movement, or quiet time).

• Pause before making decisions when you are exhausted or triggered.

• Seek support that is neutral and divorce-informed.

You deserve to navigate this process with strength, clarity, and support — not burnout.

Call to Action

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, my Divorce Clarity Workbook can help you slow down, organize your thoughts, and care for yourself with intention as you move through this process.

Because clarity begins with a calm, supported mind.