The Emotional Earthquake: Why Divorce Impacts Mental Health More Than You Expect
Divorce is not just a legal process. I will continue to repeat this.
It is an emotional earthquake.
Even when you know it’s the right decision.
Even when you initiated it.
Even when your friends say, “You’ll be fine.”
Divorce shakes the foundation of identity, security, routine, and plans.
And for women over 40—especially those leaving long-term marriages—it can feel like the ground beneath you has disappeared.
Divorce Is Grief
You are not just grieving a person.
You are grieving:
The future you thought you would have
The version of yourself you were inside the marriage
The family structure you built
Traditions, routines, holidays, and identity
Grief does not always look like tears.
Sometimes it looks like:
Brain fog
Irritability
Anxiety
Exhaustion
Decision paralysis
Many high-functioning women tell me:
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m usually so clear.”
There is nothing wrong with you.
Your nervous system is overloaded.
The Nervous System and Divorce
When a marriage destabilizes, your body goes into protection mode.
You may notice:
Trouble sleeping
Racing thoughts
Hypervigilance
Emotional numbness
Difficulty concentrating
This is not weakness. This is your biology responding to perceived threat.
And yet, you are expected to make major financial, parenting, and legal decisions during this time.
This is why mental health support during divorce is not optional. It is essential.
Therapy and Coaching Serve Different Roles
Therapy helps you process the past.
Divorce coaching helps you navigate the present and prepare for the future.
As a divorce coach and mediator, I see women make costly mistakes ( I speak from experience)when they are emotionally flooded:
Agreeing to settlements out of guilt
Avoiding necessary conversations
Letting fear drive decisions
Prioritizing “keeping the peace” over protecting their future
Relying on their Attorney for emotional support
When your emotions are regulated, your decisions improve.
Stabilizing Before Strategizing
Before we talk about paperwork or court filings, we stabilize:
Establish emotional containment.
Build a support team.
Protect sleep.
Set boundaries around communication.
Create short-term clarity goals.
Divorce is not just about ending something.
It is about preserving your mental health so you can build what comes next.
Your Second Act does not begin after the divorce.
It begins when you choose to care for your emotional foundation now.
nanette@secondactdivorcecoaching.com
